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Shudder, mortals: A hard seltzer festival is coming to Minneapolis

"Welcome to: Seltzer Land!" - extremely John Hammond voice

"Welcome to: Seltzer Land!" - extremely John Hammond voice Courtesy of Cannonball Productions

Hard seltzer grows stronger every day, with more and more beer producers succumbing to its low-carb clout. But we've just received word that the Goliath has reached an exultant new height.

On April 18, Minneapolis will host a ritualistic gathering known as Seltzer Land, a first-of-its-kind touring festival completely devoted to spiked seltzers. Craft beer producers will wail and gnash their teeth as more than 100 varieties of hard seltzer are sampled at the roving bacchanal, which is making stops in nine cities this spring. It will debut in Minneapolis at Quincy Hall on April 18 before hitting Chicago, New York City, Seattle, and five other locales with dates TBA. 

“Hard seltzers sales have ‘spiked’ over the past year, and they’re not slowing down,” Cannonball Productions CEO and founder Kate Levenstien said, channeling the unbound power of both puns and hard seltzers in a single press statement. “We want to create an opportunity for fans to explore their palates, and brands to showcase their variety through an immersive tasting experience.”

Local drinkers are eminently familiar with their new bubbly overlord, as producers like Bauhaus, Lift Bridge, Fulton, and regrettably enough Third Street have converted to seltzer worship over the past two years. In fact, Bauhaus’s Bolo brand is one of the event’s sponsors, along with White Claw, Natty Light Seltzer, and Four Loko. The “one-of-a-kind immersive experience” hosted by Cannonball Productions—the same soothsayers who brought us the Bacon and Beer Classic last summer—is prophecy fulfilled. 

Tremble before its might.

Seltzer Land will take place in two sessions, with a brunch session from 12:30 to 3:30 p.m. and an afternoon devotional starting at 5 p.m. Cannonball promises “Insta-worthy food” (hiss!) as well as games and live music in addition to the sacred elixir, which flow like ambrosia from an idol’s teat.

Tickets for the Minneapolis Seltzer Land are on sale now; $29 for general admission and $49 for VIP.