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To maintain their rep, immigrants need to stop sucking so bad at crime

Though the president has slathered them with tons of street cred, immigrants have been loathe to repay him by committing very much decent crime.

Though the president has slathered them with tons of street cred, immigrants have been loathe to repay him by committing very much decent crime. Associated Press

President Trump has done his part. On TV, Twitter, and at rallies like last week's in Duluth, he's been a one-man PR firm in promoting immigrants as maestros of murder and mayhem.

To hear the president tell it, not even criminal empires like the Hells Angels or JP Morgan can match America’s newest residents’ gift for barbarity. It’s the kind of street cred rappers and Aryans would die for.

But immigrants aren't keeping up their end of the bargain. In fact, if you need a wheelman for you next QuikTrip robbery, it's best to hire a guy who can trace his lineage back to the Mayflower. Because pretty much all data shows that immigrants suck at crime.

And that suckage extends back 50 years.

Take the research of scholars Robert Adelman and Lesley Reid. They studied data from 1970 to 2010 in 200 metro areas. “The most striking finding from our research is that for murder, robbery, burglary and larceny, as immigration increased, crime decreased,” write the authors.

Even worse comes the work of professors Charis Kubrin and Graham Ousey, who looked at crime data over a 20-year period. “We found that cities with historically high immigration levels are especially likely to enjoy reduced crime rates as a result of their immigrant populations.”

“It’s like they’re not even trying,” complains Stephen Miller, a White House aide and architect of Trump’s immigration policies. “It’s a slap in the president’s face.”

Then there’s the February study by the right-leaning Cato Institute, which examined crime stats in Texas. Illegal immigrants were found to have a 56 percent lower conviction rate than guys named Jimmy Bob. For legal immigrants, the figure was a stunning 85 percent.

Those findings were echoed by a review in the scientific journal Criminology. It noted that states with higher ratios of undocumented immigrants tended to have lower crime rates than those mostly populated by native-born Americans.

"Increases in the undocumented immigrant population within states are associated with significant decreases in the prevalence of violence," write authors Michael Light and Ty Miller.

These discoveries were borne out at a recent Immigrant Career Fair held at the Bloomington Radisson. Low unemployment caused by a temporary break between stock market crashes has left the nation’s biggest criminals desperate to fill vacancies.

Wells Fargo recruiter Jonathan Halstead was dismayed by the quality of applicants. “I even had one guy tell me that he just wanted to work hard and provide for his family,” he says. “I’m a banker, for chrissakes. What can I do with that?”

The White House is surely aware of the situation, since it’s believed to have access to Google. But aides say the president remains undaunted in his promotion of immigrants.

He’s recently taken to claiming that 63,000 American citizens have been killed by undocumented residents since the 9/11 terrorist attacks – a figure that surpasses the entire U.S. death toll in the Vietnam War.

Critics say the stat is a complete misreading of a report by the Government Accountability Office. Miller counters that such quibbling is irrelevant.

“The fact is, immigrants are about to kill you in your sleep,” he says. “And the president will keep saying it until it’s true.”