The "missed connections" section of Craigslist is often used by someone who thinks they've let a shot at romance slip through their fingers.
Like this woman, who recently got wasted, stoned, and threw up so much she had to be rushed to the hospital, but still wanted another chance at the fellow's "very impressive" junk.
But this week one Twin Cities woman is using Craigslist to call out the punk(s) who took a household essential from someone who really, really didn't need that in her life right now. She makes her feelings clear firmly, if politely, in the title to the post: "To the a-hole who stole my toilet paper last night."
As she writes, the first conflict on this recent night falls into the "woman vs. self" category: After running in to a Target store to buy some toilet paper, she locked her keys in her car. She called for roadside assistance -- "thanks Dad... you were right once again," she writes -- and began to wait.
Her second problem was of the "woman vs. nature" variety: After a while, she really had to pee. And it was cold out. Right around freezing, and she can take that because she's "a real Minnesotan now," but the cold air was making her urinary needs more urgent.
"Actually, what's up with that?" she asks. No one is there to answer.
She set the "40 odd rolls of Charmin" she'd just bought on top of the car, and headed back into the store to relieve herself. Couldn't have been more than five minutes before she was back outside, and looking at her third problem: Woman vs. society. As in, what kind of place is this where people steal toilet paper from strangers?
"I could only move forward," she writes, "by assuming that the person(s) who did this needed toilet paper more than I did."
And from the sounds of it, she really needed it: A divorced mother of two special needs children, who makes ends meet with the help of public assistance for their medical bills. Buying a second mega-package of Charmin was the kind of small cost she "really couldn't afford," not "without really hurting her budget."
She continues: "I hope you get it, and that maybe, just maybe, someday you will have the opportunity to do something good and helpful without any type of reward and you will do it and think of me and my kids."
We've reprinted the woman's Craigslist posting in full below, and recommend you stick around for the kicker at the end.
Hello, I thought I'd write and let you know a little bit about the 40 odd rolls of Charmin you removed from the top of my ford focus in the 5 minutes I left it alone up there. I'm not surprised you stole them. It's not the greatest neighborhood.
Ìn fact, I've heard that area is the worst area for thefts in the Twin Cities. I dunno, I'm not enlightened enough to be able to source this little tidbit of information. I digress.
You see, I ran into target to pick up a prescription and some toilet paper and when I came outside, I realized I had locked my keys in the car. Having nowhere else to put them, I placed the toilet paper on top of the car. I then proceeded to contact Roadside assistance (thankfully something I have covered under my car insurance- thanks Dad- for requiring that gem, you were right once again!)
The Roadside assistance guy took about 45 minutes to get to me. It was 32 degrees out, a little nippy but not too bad, I'm a true Minnesotan by now, so I hung out by the car, making sure to tell the company guy coming to help me there was a huge thing of toilet paper on top of my car, thinking perhaps that would help them find it in that huge parking lot in the fading light.
About 30 minutes into my wait, I cannot hold it anymore, this chilly air wasn't helping (totally making the feeling worse, actually, what's up with that?!)
I have to pee.
As I said before, I had no other place to put the toilet paper, and it was so bulky, I decided it should be safe for 5 minutes while I run into the store, relieve my bladder, and run out again.
Finishing my task I return to the parking lot and immediately realize the toilet paper is gone. I couldn't believe that someone would steal toilet paper from the top of a car. I mean, seriously, it's obviously owned by the person who put it up there, right?!
I was (once again, it's becoming a common feeling this past month or so...) completely brokenhearted and surprised. I could only move forward by assuming that the person(s) who did this needed toilet paper more than I did.
... a little about the family you stole from: I'm a single (well, divorced, actually, if you wanna get technical) mother with two teenage children, who, by the way, have special needs. I'm not on any type of food or cash assistance, but I admit, we get help with medical bills (thank goodness) since both of my kids have lots of Dr appointments and sometimes meds.
So, dear thief, you stole from someone who really couldn't afford to go back into target and buy another 40 rolls of toilet paper without really hurting her budget. I hope you understand that. I hope you get it, and that maybe, just maybe, someday you will have the opportunity to do something good and helpful without any type of reward and you will do it and think of me and my kids.
Oh, and by the way, the roadside assistance guy drove around the parking lot unable to see me or my car, because guess what? He was looking for the missing toilet paper on top of a car.
Happy Holidays, jerk
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