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Minneapolis closes streets for the Super Bowl, which is 33 days from now

This view of US Bank Stadium is usually only available for confused, doomed birds.

This view of US Bank Stadium is usually only available for confused, doomed birds. Brian Peterson, Star Tribune

Today, Tuesday, January 2, the city of Minneapolis announced the closure of streets around U.S. Bank Stadium, which will play host to the Super Bowl.

On February 4. More than a month from now. 

The streets immediately surrounding the Vikings' bird-killing, vaguely sinister-looking home arena will stay closed through game day, while a wider stretch -- roughly eight blocks long and four blocks wide -- will be prohibited from February 2 through February 11, a full fucking week after the game.

The streets closing today will be shut down for 40 days!

Gee, good thing the Vikings didn't go out and earn themselves at least one home playoff game!

Here's a map depicting the affected area. Streets marked red are closed already; those in blue will be closed Super Bowl weekend; the lime green ones will allow "local traffic only," a phrase that probably does not belong on a map that's effectively a middle finger to local traffic. 

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This serious inconvenience for anyone who made the mistake of living or working near the stadium -- or, say, trying to get their life saved at the Hennepin County Medical Center emergency room -- is just the latest instance of citizens getting the shaft for the NFL's benefit. We're also surrendering access to the light rail line, exporting the homeless, importing ridiculously expensive entertainment, and volunteering our time to help a multi-billion-dollar corporation that exists solely for multi-millionaires to kill themselves and each other, one helmet-to-helmet hit at a time.

This is the worst story about 40 days of deprivation since that time Jesus went to the desert and forgot to pack trail mix. At least Jesus was able to refuse the temptations of Satan. We wish we could say the same for Minneapolis.