Glen Taylor could buy and sell you but likely won't unless you play ball

Glen Taylor likes gardening because he gets to be alone and doesn't have to deal with all the "bad things" in his life.

Glen Taylor likes gardening because he gets to be alone and doesn't have to deal with all the "bad things" in his life. Carlos Gonzalez, Star Tribune

Maybe you saw the Forbes list of "Richest Person in Each State 2019" and thought to yourself: "Oh my, what happened to Whitney MacMillan? Has he fallen on hard times?"

Be still your heart. The Cargill heir is still rich as hell. Like, to the extent if he ever reads this sentence it will probably be engraved on the thin gold sheets he insists on any time his name or net worth is mentioned in the media.

The only reason why ol' Whitney's not still the top billionaire in Minnesota is that he moved. We'll let you guess to which state. Here's a hint: He might get eaten by an alligator or a Burmese python.

[Yes, you were right.]

MacMillan's departure means the title of richest person in this territory has been passed, and reader, we have some pretty embarrassing news for you. He's got way less money than Whitney MacMillan, way more money than you, and, worst of all, owns this website.

(Among other things.)

Glen Taylor's $2.9 billion dollars is good enough for the title of richest Minnesotan, at least for this year, though if any of you think there's been some sort of mistake and you might have more than that, please consider giving away all of your money.

Here's how Forbes runs down Glen's successes:

  • Glen Taylor bought a wedding service business for $2 million in 1975 and turned it into Taylor Corp., a printing firm with over $2 billion in sales.
  • Taylor, who worked at the wedding business throughout college, stepped down as CEO of Taylor Corp. in 2015; he remains chairman.
  • A Minnesotan, Taylor owns stakes in the state's NBA team, the Timberwolves; WNBA team, the Lynx; and the United FC soccer team.
  • In 2016, he sold 5 percent of his stake in both basketball teams to Lizhang Jiang, the NBA's first Chinese minority owner.
  • Taylor also owns farmland in Minnesota and Iowa, as well as the Minneapolis Star Tribune, which he bought in 2014 for nearly $100 million.

Why they didn't mention the Star Tribune bought City Pages for an undisclosed but small amount in 2015 is beyond us. @ us next time, Rich People Weekly.

Glen has made some fun choices of what to do with his cash in the past, including shelling out 10 grand to appear in a single photograph with Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, tens of millions to a man who'd earned a reputation for grinding young athletes into dust, and several million to a man who struggles with the concept of consent and encouraged any doubters of his ability to play winning basketball to commit suicide.

On a related note: The Lynx are cool. And underpaid.

But aren't we all? Well, maybe not these people on Forbes' list. They seem to be doing all right.

Elsewhere on Forbes' profile of Glen Taylor, it gives him a "self made" "score" of 9, which is 90 percent of 100, and estimates he's given away about 1 percent of his money, which is roughly 1 percent out of 100 percent.

(Note: There are higher numbers than that. 2.9 billion, for example.)

Here's a quote Forbes chose to characterize Glen Taylor. We've highlighted a couple phrases and added a brief descriptor at the end to remind you who's publicly airing this grievance with his life:

"I like the garden and the farm stuff because I'm by myself, and it's the opposite of what I do all day long: sit in meetings, solve problems, listen to people, hear complaints and deal with bad things. That's my job," said the man with $2.9 billion.

As for you, good luck solving any problems that arise today. If you don't have enough of your own, we suggest you start with wealth inequality.