err, this Winter Season, if you happen to see someone dressed as Santa Claus on the University of Minnesota campus, you should immediately report this person to the Social Justice Police, so that he can be thrown in Politcal Correctness Prison.
Readers will gather this, or something like it, from a story appearing on FoxNews.com, which is cribbing from original reporting by Intellectual Takeout, the internet's leading source of taking out intellect.
An official University of Minnesota document obtained (and tweeted) by Intellectual Takeout's Jon Miltimore makes it sound like Christmas and Hanukkah are effectively canceled on campus, as the school attempts to be "respectful of the diversity" of students and staff.
"Consider neutral-themed parties," the letter reads, "such as a 'winter celebration.'"
Invitiations to parties should also be "not reflective of any one religious holiday," the letter continues, and the same goes for "decorations, music, and food." Expressions of religious faith should be reserved for one's "own personal space," and not on display in "public areas (e.g. reception areas, kitchen, etc.)" on campus."
Here comes the real hate crime. The letter then names "specific religious iconography" which "are not appropriate for gatherings and displays at this time of year." They are as follows:
"Santa Claus, Angels, Christmas trees, Star of Bethlehem, Dreidels, Nativity scene, Bows/wrapped gifts, Menorah, Bells, Doves, Red and Green or Blue and White/Silver decoration themes"
(We at City Pages are deeply offended -- by the capitalization.)
Those color schemes are, of course, traditionally associated with Christmas and Hanukkah, respectively, while doves as a species are notorious for making off-color jokes at holiday parties.
The U of M (@UMNews) shared this letter with some faculty and student employees this week The colors red & green, blue & white/silver are verboten during the "winter celebration" period. Images of Santa, wrapped gifts, and bells are also deemed "religious iconography." #BahHumbug pic.twitter.com/sxzqDXLLqY— Jon Miltimore (@miltimore79) December 14, 2017
If the thought of outlawing Santa Claus and bows ruins your holidays, we encourage you to march en masse to University of Minnesota President Eric Kaler's office and insist he repeal these policies.
But first, if we may? One small noteworthy fact?
When Intellectual Takeout first reported its story, it said University "officials" had "distributed" this declaration of war on Christmas to "employees and student-workers," making it sound like everyone walked in one day to find this in their office mailbox.
In fact, this paper was distributed by deans from one college -- the College of Food, Agricultural and Natural Resource Sciences (CFANS) -- to the voluntary attendees of a dialogue about "respecting religious diversity" earlier this month. "The college and its leadership are committed to an inclusive community," reads the event description. "The dialogue encourages everyone to learn about religious diversity in CFANS and at the University of Minnesota, explore new issues, and build deeper meanings." (Leave it to Fox News to oppose "deeper meanings.")
A spokeswoman for the U of M says the document was a "conversation piece" intended to "facilitate dialogue," and does not reflect the views of the University's Office of Equal Opportunity and Affirmative Action, which prepared the paper, nor of CFANS -- the farm school (!) that passed it out... to the people who showed up for a voluntary lunch featuring a discussion about religious diversity, plus complimentary "pizza and beverages."
So for now, consider yourselves free, University students, to dress up like an angel while hanging dreidels from the Christmas tree as trained doves ring menorah-shaped bells.
You will not be officially disciplined, though you might receive strange looks, sort of like any time you cite something you heard from Fox News.
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