Betsy DeVos orders school changes to reflect ‘Christian-private sector values’

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The education secretary wants to "freshen" American learning with new lesson plans like "You'll Never Get a Job Talking Mexican Like That" and "The Glock G43: Daddy Doesn't Have to Be Afraid to go to Chuck E. Cheese Anymore." Lucélia Ribeiro

Citing her “overwhelming 111-0 Senate confirmation vote” as a mandate to “make our kids superber again,” Betsy DeVos has ordered sweeping changes to what American children are taught at school.

In a memo to Minnesota districts, the new education secretary decreed wholesale curriculum changes based on the “traditional Christian-private sector values this country was founded on.” Her intention, she wrote, is to “insert truth sections” into existing courses that have become “overrun by the libtard agenda.”

The overhaul will be accompanied by the launch of a “Visiting Scholars” program, which will bring “leading thinkers” from the business and evangelical communities into classrooms. DeVos believes the program -- free of charge -- should more than offset “massive funding cuts” expected to be implemented “as soon as we can hire someone who can read a spreadsheet.”

Among the new lesson plans:

Science:

Introduction to Genetic Superiority

Climate Change: When Everywhere Will be as Nice as Phoenix, presented by ExxonMobil

Environmentalism, Solar Energy, and Other Gateways to the Homosexual Lifestyle

What is Your Teacher Hiding?

History:

The Truth about Slavery: How Negroes Actually Miss the Free Food and Lodging, presented by the Alabama congressional delegation

The Second Amendment: Jesus’ Masterwork

Correcting Historical Myths: The Indians Gave us America Because They Knew They Were Losers and We’d Do Better, presented by Energy Transfer Partners

Great Statesmen from Stalin to Putin: You Didn’t See Black Lives Matter Blocking the Freeway When They Were in Charge, Did You?

English:

You’ll Never Get a Job Talking Mexican Like That

O’Reilly, Coulter & Hannity: An introduction to the Classics

Wilde, Whitman & Woolfe: Did You Know They Were Homos?

Economics:

Income Inequality: God Clearly Doesn’t Like Your Parents, presented by the Southern Baptist Convention

Using Simple Multiplication to Spot Socialism

Your Teacher’s Paid Too Much: Why Mommy and Daddy Couldn’t Afford Good Presents Last Christmas

International studies:

Mexicans: They’ll Murder You in Your Sleep

You Won’t be Popular if You Befriend that Muslim Girl

Besides, She Probably has Head Lice

And Her Parents Want to Blow Up Grandma

Health & Human Sexuality:

Unwanted Groping: Really, What’s the Big Deal?

Knowing Your Rights as a Tanning Salon Gold Card Member

Empathy: It Will Make You Throw Like a Girl

Childhood Obesity: There's Alway Time to Think About That Later, presented by PepsiCo

Self-Esteem & Personal Safety:

The Glock G43: Daddy Doesn’t Have to be Afraid to go to Chuck E. Cheese Anymore, presented by the National Rifle Association

Feminism: How to Ensure No One Ever Loves You

You Wouldn’t be a 5 if You Laid Off the Cupcakes, Sweetheart, a Twitter seminar presented by President Donald Trump

Bullying: This Wouldn’t Happen if You Would Just Act Normal

 


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