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Guns N’ Roses postpone Target Field show. Who’s to blame: Axl or Slash?

Social distancing just comes naturally to Slash and Axl.

Social distancing just comes naturally to Slash and Axl. Katarina Benzova

Guns N’ Roses announced yesterday that they'd postponed all 2020 tour dates, including a scheduled July 24 show at Target Field, and that can only mean one thing: Axl and Slash are feuding again.

(Yes, I know they said “postponed,” not “canceled.” But remember: The release of Chinese Democracy was postponed for a full decade.)

We all knew those hotheads couldn’t keep it together forever. The relationship between Slash and Axl Rose was already acrimonious when G N’ R was on top, and that only got worse after the band’s breakup.

Axl’s response to Slash’s new band, Velvet Revolver: “Personally I consider Slash a cancer and better removed, avoided – and the less anyone heard of him or his supporters, the better.” And in 2009, Slash said, “One of the two of us will die before a reunion and however sad, ugly, or unfortunate anyone views it, it is how it is.”

When you look at it like that, it’s miraculous that GNR has been on the road together since 2016. But let’s face it: The boys are fighting again, and the Guns N’ Roses reunion is over. Buckethead, check your inbox.

Wait, hold on. What’s that you’re saying? What pandemic? Seriously?

[Googles “coronavirus.”]

Oh, shit. Cancel all the concerts! All of them! Were people actually thinking of rocking out in a crowded baseball stadium while the air is seething with death droplets? You’d really inhale a cloud of lethal microbial executioners just for the chance to sing along to “Sweet Child o' Mine”?

This might sound a little alarmist, but honestly, I’d even shut down the bars and restaurants till this thing is behind us.