Yesterday was a big day for people who like to complain about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
The Cleveland institution, which provides the raw material for approximately 40 percent of music thinkpieces annually, announced its 2018 inductees: Bon Jovi, the Cars, Dire Straits, the Moody Blues, and Nina Simone.
Almost no one loves everybody on that list and almost everybody hates someone on it. You are probably disappointed that at least one of the nominees announced earlier this year did not get voted in and you have probably shared that disappointment with the internet already, then quickly added "Who cares? The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is stupid anyway."
Radiohead fans are sad that Radiohead didn't get in, but since Radiohead fans like being sad, this paradoxically made them happy, albeit in a very profound and convoluted Radioheaded way. O, modern life!
Why didn’t City Pages cover this Noteworthy Internet Event? What’s the point? Pretty much every argument about the Rock Hall has already been exhausted, every critique beaten into the ground, every defense raised, countered, and then raised and countered again in exactly the same words.
An argument about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is like a five-page "Choose Your Own Adventure" book that keeps sending you back to page one eventually no matter what you choose. And at this point anything I’d write about the RRHOF would consist of nothing more than “INDUCT CHIC ALREADY YOU MONSTERS” typed over and over in increasingly larger fonts.
Instead of writing about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, I thought up some terrible headlines for stories you will fortunately never have to read. You're welcome.
- Bon Jovi gives the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame a bad name
- Counterpoint: Inducting Bon Jovi is “Bad Medicine” – and bad medicine is what the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame needs
- It doesn’t make a difference if they make it or not, Bon Jovi was born to be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
[NOTE: OK, apparently every Bon Jovi song can be turned into a bad headline. Let’s move on.]
- The Cars are just what the RRHOF needed to shake it up -- or so you might think
- Moody Blues fans’ “Wildest Dreams” come true with RRHOF induction
[NOTE: You'd think Moody Blues lyrics and titles would lend themselves to this idiotic exercise, but that's all I got for them.]
- Dire Straits is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame – and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is in dire straits
- However the RRHOF makes its choices, Dire Straits' induction proves “that ain’t working”
- They don’t belong here: Why Radiohead was snubbed