The best drunk food is the closest drunk food. Mercifully, the ubiquitous Heggies bar pizzas are always near at most Twin Cities bars. When your body is starting to feel more liquid than solid, order up a piping hot Heggies and experience the healing joy of square-cut thin crust pizza. It’s crispy, drippy, salty, and cheesy — all the flavor profiles your drunk-ass palate demands. You may not be sober enough to make any other good decisions, but you’re a damn genius as soon as that pie hits the table. Share if you’re a happy, loving drunk; hoard if you’re a selfish, flawed human like the rest of us.