Ever jack off in front of a bunch of people in an industry you'd risen to the top of while portraying yourself as an ally of theirs because you'd had kids?
Or make jokes about survivors of the Parkland school shooting?
We hope not, though even if you did, don't worry. Follow Louis C.K.'s comeback plan, and apparently you'll be right back out there much sooner -- and less apologetic -- than any reasonable person would've expected.
The comedy legend/serial masturbater-in-front-of-young-women-in-comedy is back on the road again, less than two full years since he admitted that the rumors about him were all true (and then some). Louis' swift comeback has been abetted by a bunch of dudes who point out the many-times-over millionaire tended to ask permission from women before pulling out his dick and making them watch him perform his "act."
Now Acme Comedy Co.'s lending him a hand.
Wait, we regret the way that came out... dammit even that doesn't sound right. Apparently once you get associated with non-mutual masturbation sessions everything sounds like beyond-awkward innuendo.
Louis is doing a run of not one, not two, but fucking EIGHT shows at Acme Comedy in Minneapolis' North Loop this week, if you want the chance to see him do stand-up and/or run the risk of having him unzip his pants when you don't ask him to.
He's booked at our pick for Best Comedy Club this year Tuesday through Friday, two gigs a night, though the Star Tribune reports the $33-a-head Louis C.K. tickets were only available to "insiders" at first. Just what it takes to be an "insider" when it comes to a well-known masturbater is unclear.
Tickets have moved fast since Acme made them available to the jackoff-guy-loving general public: As of Monday morning, only the late shows on Thursday and Friday still have open seats. If you want a really rich man to whine to you about the ills of political correctness... well, turn on Fox News, or listen to conservative radio, or, if you're brave, read the president's tweets.
But if you want one to do it while seeing said "victim" metaphorically (we hope metaphorically!) stroking his own dick, there's only one show in Minneapolis this week that will leave you satisfied. Well, maybe you won't like what he has to say. At least he'll be enjoying himself.